One of my friends who will remain unnamed has been ranting to me about how she is unsure if she is a wife or a maid. So I asked her the simple question, are you wife or maid?
She comes from a culture where the groom’s parents often move in, and the wife basically takes care of everything. This includes the in laws, the husband, and all of the children.
I don’t agree with this, at all. However, I would be more understanding of it if the man were the only one providing everything financially for the family. If they are going to live in the 1800s, then you may as well go full 1800s.
That’s not the case though. This person is a professional, and earns as much money, or more than the husband does. In addition to this, she is taking care of everyone in that damn household, all the chores, the cooking, the cleaning, the laundry, everything.
You know that this is not something I can support, and I have told her that it is entirely up to her to stand up for her rights. “You are not in a situation where you are solely dependent on this man, so why are you allowing this?” One of her fears is that she would be a “bad mom” if she makes her kids do stuff around the house.
My response to that is that you are a bad mom if you raise dependent, spineless, lazy, slobs by doing everything for them. Those are the types of people that most of us will end up punching in the face when the real world comes a knocking. But if you want to serve your children, I’m a little more forgiving there, but what about the husband, and the in laws? Those are HIS parents, and they are all grown ass adults who can handle their own responsibilities. Why does she allow this?
She is unhappy about it, that much is clear to me from our conversations, yet she continues to do it. Why? I just don’t understand this mindset? I know that some cultures are different, but this person has grown up in America, she earns her own way, and is perfectly capable of walking out. With that independence, I don’t understand why she doesn’t take a position of power?
My son does his own laundry, he has for sometime. If he doesn’t, then he doesn’t have clean clothes. For sometime, I used to do it for him as I do the laundry at home. However, once he complained about my over drying his clothes, get who got promoted to washing their own crap? That doesn’t make me a bad father, it teaches several valuable lessons.
First, you learn to either be grateful, or you can do your own crap. If someone is doing you a favor, you better shut your mouth or do it yourself. Second, he learned how to wash clothes and doesn’t need anyone to do it for him. Unlike her children who can’t do anything for themselves. It’s disgusting to me, especially with the adults in the picture. Grown ass people abusing and using this woman. But, in my opinion, if she doesn’t command change, it will never come. They will never take her into consideration, she’s liked hired help. They don’t care how long she worked, if she’s tired, no one cares. Get in the kitchen and cook. Go and wash my clothes. Shovel the snow. No, they don’t give a damn. So it’s up to her to stand up, otherwise, she will never break free.
I don’t even understand this living with parents thing. My wife and family had suggested it when we first were looking into our living arrangements, and I wasn’t having that. Don’t get me wrong, her parents are amazing, wonderful people. We get along greatly, this isn’t that typical stereotypical case where the son in law doesn’t get along with the parents. They are great and I enjoy their company. I just can’t live with them, anymore than I could live with my own parents.
I’ll give you the most basic, crude example that I can think of. I come out of the shower, the wife is sleeping, I want to sit in front of the computer, pull up some anal porn, rub one out, and then go take a dump while still naked. Can you do that if you live with parents? I rest my case.
What do you guys think about all this?
Addendum: There is nothing wrong with being a maid, if that’s your career choice. Just wanted to be sure I didn’t offend anyone who has chosen this profession. I’m sure you understand the context here.