- Growing Up Bronx
So can you just have sex? I once dated a woman who belittled me so much that I couldn’t even get hard with her anymore. What does belittling entail you may wonder? Well, there was one time that I came before she did, (that rarely happened, I could hold out for a good deal of time) and she lost her shit on me. She called me selfish, cursed at me, then stormed off before I could muster up a round two. Another thing that she did was to tell me that her ex boyfriend had a bigger penis than I did, but that I was a better lover. What the fuck man?
As a way to try and manipulate me into fucking more, she threatened to cheat on me. I didn’t care about that back then because I was already emotionally checked out for awhile. I mean, if I’m not able to get hard, or even seek you out, then it should be a major red flag. Anyway, all that was missing was my physically leaving our apartment. Her cheating would have just expedited the inevitable end result anyway, our break up.
For a while I started thinking my man tool was broken. But that’s wasn’t the case, I wasn’t emotionally available to her anymore, as such, every pore of my being rejected her.
She was beautiful and physically really hot. But I learned back then that for me, fucking requires a bit more. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had casual encounters over my life, but it’s never as good as when you are “in love” or in a committed relationship. At a minimum we gotta have some sort of emotional connection. It should be noted that I have had powerful, casual connections as well.
Sometimes I wish I wasn’t emotional that way, if I could just fuck randomly, I would have had way more fun in my youth, but it is what it is. This occurred to me today as I thought about some past experiences that I felt could have gone so much better. Meh, fuck it. The time “came” and went literally, what happened already happened and there ain’t shit I can do to change it. So here we are folks!
Growing Up Bronx