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Some people are under the impression that when you get married, you no longer see or notice other people. I’m here to dispel that myth, and to tell you that this belief is bull crap! Whether you are married, dating, engaged, or just playing the field, you never, ever stop noticing other people!
Case in point, a few days ago I was riding the train, I saw this woman who’s face, body, and energy attracted me. A lot! She was beautiful. We made brief eye contact, and then she smiled at me. I gave her a soft smile back, nodded, and then I looked away.
Was I attracted to her? Absolutely. Did I want to talk to her? Absolutely. Would I have succeeded in attempting to make a connection with her? Well, this I cannot say for sure, but I certainly would have tried, and I feel the odds favored me.
Yet, I just said I looked away?
Of course, I thought of my wife. I thought of her, and the way she looked as I walked out the door that morning. The image of her came to me, and obviously it is what stopped me from acting on my “conquering” instincts, and attempting to befriend this woman.
What is the point I’m trying to make here? The point is that the desires, the attraction, the instincts don’t magically go away when you get married or are in a relationship. What happens is that YOU make the conscious decision to not act on them. This truly makes me wonder if it really is our nature to simply spread our seed and conquer as many women as we can. Some people argue that men cheat because of the way we are wired, that it is unnatural to be with one woman.
I’m not a scientist, but I’m inclined to believe that there is some truth to that, as an experience like the one I just shared should indicate. Yet, at the end of the day, it is on us to make the conscious decision to not act. Just like I made that decision. Because I love my wife. Yet, to think that marriage makes you blind to beauty and desire, that is ludicrous. Even my own wife has said to me “Wow, that is a beautiful man.” It is natural and normal. It is on you to decide whether or not it’s worth acting on the desire. But make no mistake people, it doesn’t disappear. A wolf is always a wolf, whether or not you domesticate it.
Growing Up Bronx