Years ago, I was sort of courting this young lady. I guess you can call it that, at least from my end. We were good friends, but I “liked” her too. So, yeah. LOL. I still remember partying with her all those nights. I really loved going to Webster Hall and Culture Club with her. We would have such a blast! Somewhere down the line, we lost touch, but I haver never forgotten her. Some of my best party nights were with her. In fact, you could say she popped my clubbing virginity. My earliest memories of partying are with her. Damn, I miss this chick. One day, it kind of came down to it, would I take drugs for sex. Or at least increasing the likelihood of getting some!
I’ve been searching for her all these years, she was part of a very important phase of my life. However, even with all these advancements in technology, I have not been able to find her. I made contact with her mom once, and I assume that she relayed the message, but I think it’s coming down to her making the attempt. I have exhausted all my avenues, so I submit to the universe on this one. One day, we will reconnect.
Anyway, many of those nights, after leaving the club, I’d go home with her. We’d lay down in bed together, and literally go to sleep. Seriously! Well, let me clarify, she went to sleep, I spent most of the night laying there, trying to caress her, and lure her into my arms. Most of the time, she’d gently respond, and she’d let me hold her. We even kissed a few times, but she’d never let it go further than that.
If you know me, you know that I’d never try and pressure a woman into doing something that she didn’t want to do. That’s not my style, in no way shape or form. That’s not to say I wouldn’t try and get down, I’d go as far as she’d let me, and then I’d back off. Eventually, I’d fall asleep too. I know, it’s kind of sad. LOL. But not really, she was an awesome person, and I really loved her company. Did I want something more with her, of course I did. freak you think I am? I’m a heterosexual latino dude, I like girls, and she was awesome. So hell yeah I wanted something more. LOL.
In any case, this happened many times over. Every time she invited me over, I hoped that this would be the day that she let me experience her. Yet, every time it was the same thing. We’d make out a bit, go on the bed, play with one another a bit, and then she’d turn, she’d stop me, and say goodnight. Man, what the freak bruh! You totally blue ball killing me here! LOL. Why’d you do me like that girl?
There was one night, we were at Webster Hall and she was rolling. For those of you not familiar with early 2000’s drug slang, rolling means that she was high on ecstasy. She popped a little pill and she became really touchy and friendly. I realized that she was high, and I was drunk, so I just went with it. We were in the middle of the club, making out, sort of all over each other, and I thought, “freak YEAH! TONIGHT IS THE NIGHT!” I felt in my pocket to make sure that I had protection, and she said, “I feel so good Angel, you feel so good.” OH, HELL YES! TONIGHT IS THE NIGHT!
Then she tried to insert something into my mouth. I jerked my head back, and shut my teeth. “Woh, what is that sweetheart?” She was very high and spacey. She looked up at me confused, and says “It’s E, silly boy. Take the pill and let’s enjoy this high together. Take it, let’s dance a while more.” Oh crap! It’s one of those life crossroads! freak me man. I want to try it, but I don’t want to freak myself up. Crap man. What to do on this one?
I looked at her, and I looked at the pill. I wanted this woman so badly! We’d been hot and steamy so many times, and I wanted to experience her all the way! However, at that moment, all the years of G.I Joe Commercials, Say no to Drugs, came to my mind. Not to mention the fact that I was highly educated about the potentially harmful effects of recreational drugs such as ecstasy, and all of this really presented an inhibiting factor here. There I was, all buffed, drunk out of my ass, with this sexy ass, 90ish pound, drug influenced, Asian woman wrapped around my waist. Yes, she often danced, literally on top of me. I’d pick her up, she’d wrap her legs around my waist, play with my chest, touch my abs, and dance as I carried her around. Those were some good times! So what the hell is a young man supposed to do here? She’s half my weight, and I’m over here pussying out. freak man.
I knew that my decision could very well determine the direction of this night. I took the little blue pill in my hand. WTF? Is ecstasy supposed to be blue, and this thick? What the hell is this little symbol? How pure is this? She kept kissing me, telling me to take it. I was losing all physical control, but I could not take this. I held her around my waist, and I said, “I’m good with the alcohol. I’m afraid to mix it up with this. I’m good, I don’t need this.” I could see that she was disappointed, and I was killing her high. She tried again, “Okay, take half Angel, I don’t want to do this alone!” Again, I politely, but forcefully declined her offer.
I figured she was upset with my refusal to ingest the drug, and wanted to clear her head or something. Anyway, I stayed on the dance floor and continued dancing. A good while passed, and she didn’t come back. So I decided to go find her, and I did. She was by the bar, and being very friendly with some guy there. I came over and called for her attention, she looked at me and said, “Hey Angel, where have you been.” At this point, I felt pretty offended, and my drunken emotions got the better of me. Keep in mind, I was young, and I was drunk. I can be a very happy drunk, but I can also be a very emotional drunk. On this evening, I was an emotional drunk. Haha.
Side note: I might not remember everything exactly as it was. Part of me feels like I merged two different nights in this story, I mean, I was totally freaked up on Long Island Iced Teas, but for all intents and purposes, the overall gist of the story is probably accurate. LOL.
So yeah, this woman whom I’d been courting for sometime was kind of close to some douche bag. I was pretty upset about it, so I said “Goodnight” and walked away. She seemed surprised and came after me. “Angel, what’s wrong with you? We just got here, where the freak are you going dude? We are just having fun, I sold/gave him the pill you didn’t take. That was for you, and you disappointed me. So I’m sharing it with him, but it’s nothing, come join us, dude.” Man, I was gonna lose my mind, she came to the club with me, and she is telling me to “join them?” Remember, I’d been spending a lot of time with her, and to my drunken mind, she easily cast me aside for some dude who was willing to take the pill. There were all sorts of ego, pride, rejection, jealousy, and other emotions happening, and I WAS DRUNK!
So yeah, I was very hurt and upset. I just shook my head in disbelief and walked away. Eventually she moved to San Francisco. She had all of my contact information, but she never shared her new info. That’s how we lost touch. But, I think one day I’ll find her again, someway. Or she’ll have to find me. 🙁 I miss you.
And that’s the true story of how my refusing to take drugs probably cost me what could have been a great night. Maybe it wouldn’t have led to anything, who knows? I’ve compromised a lot in the past while on the quest to get action, but drug use was a line that I was not willing to cross! I value my health very much, and though I was extremely curious to see how it felt, I couldn’t get myself do it! Maybe I’m just a freaking pussy, but I’ve always been cautious when it comes to my health.
So, what would you have done if you were in my shoes?
Growing Up Bronx
Please note the date on a post as it may be an old viewpoint. I keep old posts to show my evolution. The opinions and views expressed here are solely those of the author.