Our parents put in many years and a lot of hard work to raise us. Once we are adults, and standing on our own two feet, we should be expected to do the same for our own children should we decide to have any. However, more and more we are seeing grandparents raising their grandchildren. Be it because the parents both work, or simply because they are less than responsible. According to a 1997 Ohio State University Census report, “Of the nation’s families, 2.4 million are maintained by grandparents who have one or more of their grandchildren living with them.”
A more recent report on the population reference bureau shows that these numbers are growing, “Growing numbers of children in the United States are living with a grandparent. In 2010, about one in 14 U.S. children (7 percent) lived in a household headed by a grandparent—for a total of 5.4 million children, up from 4.7 million in 2005.”
Let us examine a few scenarios that I have seen with my own eyes, and how I believe these should be handled. The following examples have been created based off of my own experiences. These are not medical terms, nor are they industry recognized, or whatever. This is simply what I have seen, and my opinion on how to handle it.
Weekend Parents
Some cases I have seen include those where the kid lives with the grandparents, and spends weekends or certain days during the week with their parents. In essence, the grandparents are the ones raising the child, and the parents have visitation rights. Though the grandparents do not have formal custody, in reality they are the ones raising the kids in this scenario.
Now unless there are some really strenuous circumstances, I do not agree with this. I believe that the parents need to take care of their kids. I understand that you may have to work, and it may be more “convenient,” but I stand firm on the belief that you as the parents should be responsible for your kids.
Deadbeat Parents
This type of parent makes me sick. At the onset of this article, I stated “once your parents are done raising you.” Well, these dirtbags not only stay at home, but bring in their partner as well. Grandma, and or Grandpa end up taking care of the manchild, the womanchild, along with any number of children that they may have. These are definitely one of the most annoying, and sickening types of parents. I know of one couple in this situation, and they had not 1, but 3 children! Meanwhile grandma, being the great person that she is, or the fool that she is, depends on how you look at it, takes it upon herself to provide for all of them while they sit on their butts.
In this case, I have advised individuals to kick the husband and wife out, and keep the kids. I don’t fault or blame the children for the actions of their deadbeat parents. However, I would not be supporting a family of deadbeats! Even if they are my own blood! Even if I accepted my son or daughter, and the children, the spouse won’t get a free pass! Get off your butt, and find a job! If you don’t like the work that is available, that’s too bad. But you better work and pull your own weight if I am helping you.
Working Parents
Working parents are the ones who lead busy careers, or have multiple jobs, to provide for their families. I am slightly more lenient towards these guys because they are working, and trying to provide. However, when you have children, they require more than just money. They need parents! These folks often drop the kids off at grandma’s place, and head out for a long day of work. They then pick up the kids and go home. Like I said, I respect these guys, as they are working. If grandma can help with babysitting, then more power to them.
The only thing I will state here, is that the parents should recognize the effort and support that grandma or grandpa are providing. Also it should be noted that they are probably saving hundreds of dollars on day care. So I would expect that the working parents contribute to the expenses and don’t let grandma pay for all the food, entertainment, etc. Whether or not you pay them for the baby sitting is something that needs to be handled on a case by case basis. That is on you guys to work out. However, don’t be slick and try to stick them with the expenses of caring for the children while you pocket what you save in babysitting costs for a new chanel bag!
Partying Parents
These are very common, irresponsible parents. They are the type who you would see posting pictures on instagram of their partying, while their kid is wearing some beat up tattered clothing. They drop off the children, and expect the grandparents to take care of them every weekend so that they can “have a life,” and party. They need to “unwind” from their tough job, and “have some fun.” After all, they are so very young!
Here’s a thought for those jerks, don’t you think your grandparents may want to enjoy the weekend as well? Don’t you think that they may be tired? Maybe they want to enjoy their retirement? There is nothing wrong with them taking care of your kids from time to time, I know most grandparents enjoy this. But if you wanted to “live freely,” you should have thought about that before you started to reproduce. In my opinion, you made your bed, now sleep in it!
Jailbird Parents
These are the worst. These people have children, yet lead a life of crime. They end up in prison, and then to protect the kids, the grandparents take on the children. The entire responsibility falls on them, because from prison, these parents are not able to help with anything.
My advice, just go away. If your parents are raising your kids, and you wish to lead a life of crime, just disappear. Those kids don’t need you in their lives, disappear. Did you ever think about what happens when grandma is gone? When they get sick? What happens to the kids? You sicken me!
Crackhead Parents
The name says it all here. These are parents that are heavy drug users, and they reproduce. More often than not, the state takes away the children for their own protection. They usually end up in foster care, or terrible group homes. Fortunately for some of them, grandma or grandpa can take them on. But these kids usually get a very raw deal.
I can’t write what I think of these people. So I’ll just use the same answer as above. Just go away, the kids will be better off. If you ever get clean, and get your life together, then attempt to gently, and slowly reenter their lives. However, so long as you are actively using, stay away. They will be better off without you!
Abusive parents
These parents, either abuse the kids, or allow the kids to be abused by a boyfriend, etc. They come in all types, be it physical abusers, emotional abusers, sexual abusers, and so on. The one common denominator is that the parent who is supposed to protect the child, does not.
This type of betrayal is sickening. I remember covering a story where a mother let her boyfriend have sex with her infant child so he wouldn’t leave her. Now, some of you will say she has emotional issues, and it’s not her fault. However, I prefer to look out for the kid, to hell with her, she can sort out her issues while rotting the rest of her life in prison.
Grandparents sometimes are able to save these kids, sometimes they don’t even know!
What are your thoughts on this topic?
Just a life long New Yorker sharing the journey through my lens. Please take note of a post’s date. The views I express here are subject to change and evolving as I grow and learn.
My son’s deadbeat sperm donor will get paid cash under the table. He has been able to avoid supporting his children from different women, but he occasionally is given temporary side jobs by his family members in construction and uses the cash to for his own selfish pleasures of drugs, alcohol, and sex addictions. My sons grandparents are the biggest enablers of the deadbeat sperm donor they spawned. These grandparents have made it possible for their son to avoid taking any responsibility for himself, not to mention the children he has created and neglects to support. They shelter and make excuses for their man child. If it wasn’t for these enabling parents spoiling this shell of a man, maybe just maybe he would then have no choice but to man up to his responsibilities.
That is sickening. One can only hope when those enablers are long gone to their graves, and that man child is older, and needs help, that the kids all remember how he was to them, and that they treat him accordingly. I have zero respect for a man (and I use the term loosely) who doesn’t take care of his children.