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I am very honest about my life and experiences on this website and my social media. Because of my open nature, I often get interesting questions asking my views on all sorts of life questions.
I’ve had people write me about love, fitness, military life, and more. Most recently I had a young person on the app Quora ask about how to get over being dumped by a crush that they really like?
(Please note, I’m writing from a male perspective, but the psychological aspects covered here have no gender. As such they apply to any and all genders.)
That’s tough because it’s easy for me to just say, “It is what it is, what choice do you have but to accept it and live on.” But it’s not so easy to simply accept it, is it? I’ve been there so I can understand. Getting dumped hurts. Yeah, it does.
First, you’ll wonder what you did wrong for them to dump you. It’s all your fault and if only you did something differently, maybe this wouldn’t have happened? Right? Wrong. Understand this, people will do what they want, when they want. Regardless of how you feel or behave. (Unless you are an asshole, then I understand why she’d dump you.)
Next up your insecurities will begin to take hold. You’ll wonder if they met someone and dumped you for them. This one is terrible because it taps into some of the worse tendencies in human nature, jealousy, pride and ego. It can really reap havoc on your mind if you let it.
After that you may panic and start to freak out. “I can’t lose her,” and this is where you could potentially enter into unbecoming behavior. Years ago I entered into this realm. I cried, pleaded, begged, and went well out of my way to try and keep a woman who didn’t want me anymore. I couldn’t accept losing her, and it turned me into a very sad person!
Honestly, it really was pretty bad. She didn’t deserve me and I was better off without her. However, at the time, I was so desperate for her. I thought I was in love and I’d be lost without her. In hindsight, I believe that this had more to do with ego and pride as opposed to “real love.” That one time was a major life lesson that I carried with me into other relationships down the road. I’m glad to report that I never reached that level of behavior again. I learned my lesson. She was gone and nothing that I could do would change that. So best to keep that behavior to a minimum. It doesn’t help you and it doesn’t bring her back.
In any case, here’s the bottom line my friends. Maybe she did leave you cause she found what she perceives as a better man. Maybe she left you because she hates your guts. Maybe she’s actually left you because of whatever reason she told you. At the end of the day, the result is the same. She left you.
Let’s be extremely objective about this. What difference does it make if she left you for a guy with more money? A bigger dick? Bigger pecs? Prettier eyes? What difference does it REALLY make? She’s gone anyway, right? If any one of those reasons bothers you more than another, then take solace in knowing that you feel like shit because of your pride and ego. The male ego is quite fragile. The good news is that as you get older (hopefully) you get better at dealing with it.
Perhaps you truly love her, or maybe you like her a lot and wanted to grow with her. Perhaps her leaving has truly and genuinely broken your heart. Okay friend, that sucks, for real, I’ve been there. But again, what the fuck can you do about it? Look, if you must, suffer the loss. Cry, write, workout, do whatever you need to cope with it. It sucks, I know. But know that you’ll move on, forget and meet someone else. We always do once we want to. Life can be sad sometimes, it can be hard. Fuck man, I know cause I’ve been there. But it can get better if you try.
That girl I mentioned before, plus another lost love have been long forgotten. Knowing that, it made it much easier for me to deal with breakups. If I could get out of that dark place I was in before, when I was much younger, inexperienced, and “in love,” then its only gonna be easier. Perspective.
I think if you look at things through objective and logical eyes, you can then understand that the reasons she left are irrelevant. (Unless you are a certifiable asshole, then you have work to do on yourself.) If you understand and accept that it happened and the “why” of it doesn’t really matter, then you’ll be world’s ahead in the recovery.
Getting dumped sucks, but most of us survive and recover from it. You will too! If you have any further questions, reach out! Hugs.