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Many times I’ve been asked by young men about how to talk to women. There are a few tips that I provide them based off of my own life experiences, successes and many failures when it came to dating.
First and foremost is the understanding that you will never succeed if you don’t try. What does that mean, really? Well, let’s try and look at this from a mathematical perspective. If you try zero times, you’ll fail zero times, but you’ll also succeed zero times!
0 tries = 0 chances to fail and 0 chances to succeed.
1 tries = 1 chance to fail and 1 chance to succeed.
Can see you it as clearly as I can? Which odds look better to you? If you are willing to try, you have a 50% chance that you’ll fail, but there is also a 50% chance that you will succeed. If you are willing to try more than one time, the odds become even better. Playing it safe, and not trying because you fear failure, is in my opinion even worse than failure. You are guaranteed to fail because you never even tried.
Failure is a fear that we all have, no one wants to fail, or get rejected, or become embarrassed. Trust me y’all, I know this, it sucks! That’s just a fact, and that will never cease to be the case. It will always suck, and you’ll always have that fear. What changes is that you gain more experience, you gain an understanding that it is a part of life, and more importantly, that once it’s over and done with, nothing really bad happens. You feel bad, the moment comes, the moment goes, and life goes on.
If you never try to talk to a woman, you’ll never fail, this is true. However, it is also true that you will never succeed! That’s the psychology of being a man trying to get a date. Me, I’d rather try and fail 100 times, than never try at all. I know I’m not the best looking person in the world, nor the most charming, but out of 100 tries, someone has to be willing to give your boy a shot! Come on now!
Regarding the actual talking, well, that’s all situational. However, a rule of thumb that I always push is that you need to be able to have a conversation with the woman. If you can’t sit or stand across from her and have a regular conversation, then unless you are somehow gifted, you are gonna have a rough go at dating. Even if gifted somehow, you must be able to talk and engage, or you will eventually be exposed as a fraud.
I know that when you are trying to court a woman, you will get nervous, it happens to all of us. However, you need to master the art of conversation. Usually, if the woman is interested, and you guys are vibing, the conversation will flow. If it doesn’t, then you have to figure out why that is? Usually it means that you are not compatible, or that she is being reserved. Either way, you have to find a solution to get them to either open up, or accept that you ain’t vibing and move on.
In some cases, you can still pursue a relationship where the vibe ain’t flowing, but that is a lot of work and generally not worth the hassle. Of course there are 101 variants and scenarios that can be thrown in here, but the bottom line, if you can’t talk to them like any other person, you gonna have a hard time.
Don’t put them above you, that usually causes men to choke up. If you think of yourself as not worthy, then your lack of confidence will come across. So understand, she’s a human just like you, no matter what, she’s human. She has flaws, insecurities, and weaknesses just like you do. Knowing this should make her more human to you, and therefore more accessible and approachable. When you elevate someone to an unrealistic level, you set yourself up for failure. She’s human, just have a conversation and go from there!
Of course this isn’t a comprehensive article on talking to women, but the key takeaway should be simple, you must be able to talk to them!
Growing Up Bronx