I remember one night I was partying with my cousin at Webster Hall, and on that night I had one too many long island ice teas! Needless to say that I was walking around in an intoxicated haze. I remember all of the details from the night, but they seem like a distant, unbelievable memory now. I got naked at Webster hall.
That evening I was so drunk that I allowed my cousin drag me over to a desk. This is my cousin, he won’t steer me wrong, so I complied. He took me over to the desk and I spoke to one of the dancers there. She was very friendly, and could tell that I was smashed. My cousin nodded at her, and she handed me a release to sign after barely even seen the words “strip tease” and then I moved on with my cousin.
Later in the evening, one of the female staff members came over and grabbed me. Just like my cousin, she too started dragging me across the club. I was vaguely aware of what was happening, I was going on stage to take my shirt off. This is not a big deal to me, my shirt was off most of the time I spent at Webster Hall anyway! I didn’t care or register what exactly was happening, I just went along with it. Again, my cousin won’t steer me wrong. I was officially entered into the Webster Hall Amateur strip tease contest and she was taking me backstage to the “dressing” area. I use the term “dressing” quite loosely here.
I’m not particularly religious, but I think if Sodom and Gomorra really existed, perhaps the scene was similar to what I encountered backstage. Picture everyone piss drunk, a room full of nearly naked people, and you’ll have an idea of what I mean. The scene was absolutely insane. This one girl came up to me, she showed me her breasts, and she said “What do you think, touch them, tell me.” I did as I was told, I touched her breast and then told her that they felt very nice. In terms of how they looked, I said she had very beautiful breasts that would move any man’s reproductive instincts. She laughed and kissed me.
I think the only reason everyone in that room didn’t start banging one another was because of the show, and there was sort of a security person trying to keep everyone in order. I think I may have kissed another chick or 2 in that room before the security guy said “Knock it off you guys, not in here!” I have a vague memory of a girl’s tongue, but I don’t remember clearly. I am certain that there was no sex back there though. Although, full disclosure, I did visit a friend after the club, and well, you know, we kind of got it on.
In any case, there I was in my drunken haze. At one point they signal towards me, and then I hear my name called out. I went out on stage and competed! I started dancing, and I remember the dudes turning around to not look at me, while the women, and a few gay guys continued to watch my exhibition.
I started by removing my shirt, nothing out of the ordinary for me. As I mentioned before, I was very drunk, so I moved on to my pants. Now the pants came off, and I felt rather free, and I decided to take off my underwear. There it is, I pretty much stripped butt naked on the stage. I was so hammered, I didn’t give a hoot! I wasn’t embarrassed, I just danced and took off all of my clothes. The host let me be naked for a few moments, then she came and covered me with a giant fan. I think she copped a feel of my ass, I forget her name though. She was the regular host at the club, a cross dresser who was fond of very large fans, and we were pretty cool.
So I came in 2nd place in the competition, losing only to a woman who also took off all her clothes. She had the screams from the males and females, I only had the females and some gay men, so she took the $200. I think I got a cd or something.
I remember feeling kind of awkward after getting dressed and returning to the dance floor. I didn’t mention before, my gay buddy also signed up for the competition, and he went down to his underwear. He was shocked that I got completely naked, but he complimented me on how hot I looked naked. He then asked me if I was sure that I wasn’t gay, because he really wanted me. He said “You are wearing pink, you are more fit than me, you have eyebrows thinner than mine, and you move like a gay guy. How can you not be gay?” I laughed and thanked him for the compliments, but assured him that I was not gay. But I said we could take a picture, and I think he kissed me on the cheek, my hetero sensibilities are okay with that. The following picture is from that night.
Once I returned to the dance floor, he kept checking me out, and I received all these funny looks from the people who recognized me from the stage. At one point, he was talking to his boyfriend, and told him about me, so the boyfriend wanted to talk to me. I got on the phone, and he told me “Don’t have sex with my husband! That’s my man!” I said that I was straight, not to worry. It was funny, the boyfriend was tripping on the phone. Even his sister became a bit friendly with me after seeing me naked.
As I mentioned in prior articles, I was a regular at the club, and one time a guy I never met before came up to me and said, “Dude I saw your penis on the tv man, you were totally naked, you are crazy brother!”
I tell you guys, when I think back to that time, being in that dressing room waiting for my turn, with these half naked women asking me what I thought about their breast, and asking me if any of their pubes showed, etc. It was just a crazy time. I felt as if I was living in sin and going straight to hell back then. But hey, if hell awaits, I was having a hell of a good time getting there!
I haven’t done any of those things in years, but if you go to Webster Hall, then check out the tv’s, maybe I’ll pop up on screen naked. Good times my friend, good times!
Covering fitness, social issues, biz reviews, news & more! Veteran, Tech, Certified Fitness Pro featured on Huffpo, Fox News, NatGeo, NPR, NY1, ZLiving, HLN, Men's Fitness, MTV, & other major platforms.