In an effort to learn about how to make a marriage work, I’ve been doing some reading and research. Nothing wrong with expanding our knowledge in hopes of stacking the odds in our favor right? Improving your marriage is possible, I think.
As I looked around for therapists, and articles regarding successful marriages, I came across “The Marriage Foundation” website. I read through it, and could not believe what I was reading.
Your relationship is like two people building a bridge from opposite sides of a river. If only one person builds the bridge, it still gets built. Only one of you needs to adhere to the principles of marriage in order to improve your relationship.
I couldn’t believe what I was reading, what kind of horse crap is this? So I immediately thought to myself, this must a be religious thing. Many of my friends who are religious have told me that you never leave the marriage, no matter what. One of them even told me that the spouse must be the most important person in your life, more so than your parents and your children.
This makes no sense to me, my mom will always, and I mean always, be my mom. However, my wife could decide that she wants to leave me for Paulo, get up, leave, and never have anything to do with me again. The relationships are not on the same plane, and that thought process makes no sense to me.
So yes, there are people out there who think that way, but this is some next level stuff right here.
Marriage does not require both of you to be working at it equally. You just need do your own part, regardless of your mate’s efforts. Sometimes your part needs to be much greater than your partner’s. If that is the case, then do it. It’s just your turn. No time limits or expectations. Just do it.
When I dug into the company’s nature, they actually list that they are not affiliated with any company or religious organization.
The Marriage Foundation was established by Paul Friedman in 2009 as a 501(c)(3) nonprofit organization in the state of California. We are not affiliated with any other organization, religious or otherwise.
Now, simply not mentioning any religious organization would have made me more likely to believe this, but by saying you are not, I perceive that as being defensive and probably untrue.
No matter, religion or not, this whole concept is mind boggling to me. Now, I will say this, I have not bought their program, I only read what they listed as the selling points, and that was enough for me to keep it moving. The whole concept that either one of the two partners is supposed to do all the work, regardless, and that this will lead to a happy marriage is some self sacrificial bull crap that I ain’t buying, not for one damn second.
Recently, I wrote an article about a woman I know who asked me if she was a maid or a wife. She’s miserable, and terribly unhappy. Yet, she still does everything for her husband, HIS father, and her kids. It’s sickening to me, and though I don’t want to wreck her home, I have made my opinion abundantly clear. With the exception of the children, the men in her life should be told to go screw themselves. And the kids, they also need to cut the crap and get in gear. But I’d be a little more patient with them. All in all her situation sickens me. She’s angry about it, but she still does it, she’s doing everything, building that bridge, by herself, and she’s not happy, it’s damn pathetic.
I’m all for self sacrifice, and yes, when we get married we take vows, but they work both ways. I see it as a contract, you agree to certain terms and conditions, under certain conditions. It’s not a one way thing, but a two way thing. If one of the two partners is not honoring their end of the bargain, then as far as I’m concerned, that’s cause to move on, and or to step out of the marriage.
According to these people, regardless of what the partner does, you should continue doing your part. I wonder how far they’d go with this philosophy? Your partner sleeps with your sister, is that okay? Just keep doing your part? Your partner beats you down. Keep doing your part. Where is the line when it comes to people like this?
Growing Up Bronx
Please note the date on a post as it may be an old viewpoint. I keep old posts to show my evolution. The opinions and views expressed here are solely those of the author.