Years ago, I was dating someone who treated me like crap. She had said some extremely hurtful things to me, things that will bring pause to any man. She attacked the man tool, and I don’t care how confident you are in bed, that’s a sensitive area for most men. At least in this culture. I have confirmed time and time again, and most women say the same thing, “If you want to freak a guy up, make a negative comment about his sexuality.” You’ll totally jack them up, and have them thinking, is my penis healthy?
There was one time, where I became overly excited during sex, I was pretty worked up and I came before she did. That day she went off on me. She called me selfish, screamed all sorts of profanities at me, and then stormed out of the bedroom.
This was the first and only time that I came before she did, I always waited for her to come at least once or twice before coming myself. But man, she went ballistic on me that day.
There was another time that I came across her diary. Basically, I was snooping, I didn’t trust her in the beginning and I wasn’t past pathetic behavior like breaking into someone’s word file diary. Back in those days, I was somewhat different I guess. :-/ It’s embarrassing to admit it, but you know how we do here, real talk!
In her diary I read a post where she said that I was a phenomenal lover, probably the best lover that she had been with to date. Among the praise, there was a statement that said “even though he’s not as big as so and so who I was last with, but he’s such a good lover.”
It said something to that effect.
Now, what do you think a man is going to focus on when reading something like that? Do you think that I would cling to the part where she says that I was the best lover she had, or something else? Well, duh! Like any other insecure fool, I clung on to the part that said “he’s not as big as the last guy.”
This started me on the path towards sexual insecurity with her. Of course my mind would now start forming movies in there of what she’s thinking, how she’s judging me, and that’s when I started to lose interest in her sexually. It became so bad that I couldn’t even get hard for her, not without serious effort, and then once hard, staying hard took a lot of focus.
Her diary, and that brutal prior attack really messed me up with her when it came to sex. I literally had no interest, at one point, I started to take those “stamina rx” or whatever pills so that I could get hard. I just wasn’t into her anymore.
There was a period when she started to threaten cheating on me, but I didn’t care. I had no interest in her anymore, she done freaked me up and I had already mentally checked out. All that was missing was for me to physically leave.
There came a time where I started to have some self doubt, I wondered if my man tool was broken. I’d never had an issue with the fella coming to attention for a woman before, and all of a sudden, he wasn’t.
Eventually we split up, and as soon as I could, I took the old boy for a spin. He came out in full force and did what he does best, create orgasms! I knew then that my penis wasn’t broken, this was solely happening with her, she had made it so that I couldn’t be intimate with her anymore.
Granted, part of it was my own fault for snooping around where I shouldn’t be, and trust me, I don’t do that type of crap anymore! So after our split, she took the time to tell me about her new boyfriend, and how she thought he was cheating on her because he had such a large penis. Another time, once she knew I had someone, she asked me if I was having any issues finding extra small condoms. She was being quiet malicious towards me.
I had agreed to stay friends with her, but with friends like that, who needs enemies? Eh? Soon, I stopped answering my phone and pulled away.
By that point, I realized that she was bitter, and spiteful that she had been left the way I left. I did it in a quiet fashion, I didn’t even tell her. I went, quietly acquired a lease, put a down payment on the place, rented a truck, and when she came home from work one day, I was gone. It was in my best interest to do this for reasons that I won’t be revealing here. But let’s just say, though it may seem cowardly, it was the smart thing to do. Trust me!
Though her penis insults stung a little, I was totally and radically happy to confirm that my penis still worked! Even if it was not inside of her!
Do note, she later apologized and told me that she had some issues to work through, and that she didn’t mean to hurt me all those times.
Growing Up Bronx
Please note the date on a post as it may be an old viewpoint. I keep old posts to show my evolution. The opinions and views expressed here are solely those of the author.