Growing up, I had a terrible crush on Madonna. I loved her. Sure, I know that there were many out there who had a crush on Madonna, but not the way I did. Don’t even try and compare our crushes. I loved her. I even called McDonald’s once thinking that I had received Madonna’s number from an operator. I still remember the heartache I felt when the McDonald’s worker explained to me that I was on the phone with the restaurant, and not my dream girl.
Recently I listened to Howard Stern with Madonna as a guest, I was still as fascinated by her as I was as a child.
Now this. Now though this is mostly humor, I can’t lie, I did feel a touch of real jealousy when I saw the picture. My heart sank, just like it did when I was a little kid. Some stuff you never outgrow.
Drake, you freaking guy. It’s not enough that you have all of the money in the world, dozens of musical hits, acting experience, you are good looking, and are pretty much living the American dream to the 10th degree. You had to let Madonna kiss you. Bro, you had to take that too didn’t you?
I know that many of you will defend him, and say she kissed him. But I’m blaming Drake, I’ve never been kissed by a female whom I didn’t want to kiss me. Although, admittedly I did get my penis grabbed once at the gym by a man. Obviously, as a heterosexual male, I didn’t want or approve of said penis grabbing. So I guess he could have gotten caught off guard. I’m still blaming Drake!
Okay, Madonna, Drake, you guys have broken my damn heart! Here is what I require of you, one of you has to listen to my music, or watch my tv work, and give a brother an opportunity. Do that and I will pretend that all is forgiven until I am in a better position to exact vengeance upon the both of you for breaking my heart.