There was this one time I was being intimate with a woman, and my penis went soft. I was kind of embarrassed but I knew if I spent too much energy stressing about it, that it would only get worse.
I told the woman that this had nothing to do with her and more to do with my being nervous and not entirely comfortable in the situation. I’ve noticed something about myself, when I am really comfortable with a woman, I never lose an erection, and I can go for a very long time. However, if I am uncomfortable, or not entirely “giving” myself, then I can get soft or cum faster.
I wish this wasn’t the case with me, cause as I’ve said in the past, I would have had a lot of fun in my youth. However, this is the type of person I am. I can be physically attracted to a woman, and really want her, but if I ain’t all present, then I can’t perform at my highest level.
Think about it, if you are hooking up with a woman whom you barely know, or don’t entirely trust, you are going to be thinking about all kinds of things. Is she playing me? Did she hook up with someone last night? Does she have diseases? Is she mentally stable? And on and on it goes. When you have so many thoughts flooding your mind, you get stressed and can’t give your all if anything.
This has happened to me before, and I hate that it happened. It didn’t happen often, but it did happen to me in life, and it sucked. If that happens, now the woman will think maybe its something about her, or maybe you are not into her, and it creates all kind of awkwardness.
What advice do I have on this? Well, I’d tell her, and make sure you are clear on how you tell her. One time, I told a woman that this meant nothing, that it was all about me and nothing to do with her. She misunderstood me to mean “That the sex was nothing,” when what I really meant was that “The softness was not because I didn’t want her, it was just anxiety.” So make sure you specify clearly and concisely what you mean so that you don’t hurt her or ruin things even further.
Once you’ve done that, then focus on the object of your passion. Touch her body, kiss her body, lick her, trace her curves, put your finger inside her, feel her moisture, suck on her, keep her in the moment and forget about what happened. As you relax and get more comfortable, your soldier should come back and then proceed to make love to her.
This happens fellas, it sucks but it happens to everyone. I’ve had many private conversations with men about this. Most will never admit it publicly, you know, ego, pride, etc. But its not that uncommon. Just accept it, carry on, then get back to it.
Often it’s a mental thing, not a physical thing. Although it is possible to have a physical problem as well. If you think you may have a problem, see your doctor and get your testosterone tested. There could be something off. Good luck and happy love making.
Growing Up Bronx