Growing up, every Sunday, my family and I would go to church. It was a ritual that we hardly ever missed. Our church was called “Abrigo Del Altisimo,” which translates, roughly to “Coat of the Highest.” Contextually though, I think it means like “cloak” or some form of protection, provided by he that is the greatest.
As far back as I can remember, I used to pray as a child, for many, many years. At the end of every prayer, I would say “Amen,” and until all 3 of my family members in that one bedroom, repeated it, I’d continue to say it. It didn’t matter if they were sleeping, I’d keeping saying it, louder and more aggressively each time, until they all said it. Mom, dad, and my middle sister. The youngest one didn’t exist yet. In my mind, until they all acknowledged my prayer with an amen, it would have as much power to reach God.
As I got older, I continued to attend church, but it was less frequent, and many times I’d go right after a long night of clubbing. I’d sometimes change clothing, while others I’d keep the same clothes on, and I’d still be pretty drunk. With the passing of time, I stopped going at all. Also, as I grew up, and lived on my own, the prayers became less and less. Nowadays, I seldom pray, though on occassion I will say a prayer for the general health and well being of my loved ones, and mankind.
There are times at night when I have become frightened, especially when I’m alone. I start to wonder what were to happen if my body ceased to move? Would I be found, or would I die in silence? Other times I fear for family and friends. At those times, I turn to that which gave me comfort for so long as a young child, the power of prayer.
Sometimes I pray to express thanks to God, other times I seek forgiveness and guidance. Remember, I was raised a devout Christian. As such whenever I do wrong, even as a full grown man, at times I feel that God is watching me, and that I will pay for my wrongdoing. No matter how small the act may be. Other times I wonder if this can be even possible! A man in the sky, who sees and knows everything? What about all those similarities to the other religions? What about history? What if this was all fabricated to control humanity? What if it is real?
Due to my upbringing I believe in something, due to my knowledge I don’t know what to believe. Therein lies my conflict. In general, I try to be a good and honorable man. So long as I do my best, then the universe will know.
What are your thoughts, history in terms of religion?
Growing Up Bronx
Please note the date on a post as it may be an old viewpoint. I keep old posts to show my evolution. The opinions and views expressed here are solely those of the author.