This is a question that many people have asked me over the years, be it my son as he’s learning the ropes, a friend that is back out on the dating scene, or just a curious reader who wants to know how I personally do it. Well, I’ll give you guys some basic tips on how I go about (or rather, how I went about, married now) talking to a romantic interest. There are many things to consider, and this is not the be all end all guide, but I hope I can help out at least one person!
First, my friends, do not put the penis/vagina on a pedestal. Don’t misunderstand me, I’m not saying that you shouldn’t value the person, or give them worth. What I am saying is that you should try to keep in mind that this person is made of flesh, just like you are. I understand that your heart may be beating fast, your palms are sweaty, and you are having a hard time formulating intelligible words, but I need you to take a step back! Okay? Take a step back, take a deep breath, and remember, they are a human being just like you. As much as you may want to think that you are talking to a God or a Goddess, at the end of the day, this is just another flesh and blood person. Always keep in mind what that means, good and bad alike.
Second, I’d say that you shouldn’t approach the person as a person that you solely want to date. See, when you approach with that mindset, you can easily slip and enter the space I just spoke of in terms of putting them on a pedestal. Furthermore, if you approach in terms of dating, then you have only one of two options as an end result, they date you, or they don’t. Boom, end of story. I present a better option, approach and speak to them as you would speak to a colleague, a classmate, or a friend you’ve known for a long time. By doing this you remove the pressure from yourself, and you also don’t put the other person under the added pressure of being hit on and having to provide an answer to “Do you want to go out on a date with me?” Just approach and talk to them as a friend, if the conversation flows comfortably, then attempt to create a connection so that you may continue speaking after this event. Sometimes they will be interested, sometimes they won’t; this is life my friends.
I remember at times there would be a beautiful woman at the same event as I was, amazing looking, so I would approach and try to befriend. In some cases, they would blow me off and ignore me, and in others, we’d make contact and go from there. One thing I could never get over though is if I couldn’t talk to her. If we went out to dinner, or lunch, and the conversation wouldn’t flow, then I already knew that nothing would be coming of this. So tip number two will not only prove useful now, but long term as well. When dating, you really need to be able to engage in meaningful conversation with your partner. If you cannot, save your energy.
Finally, I’d advise you to take your time. Once you have created a connection with your love interest, don’t panic and think that you have to seal the deal or lose him/her. Take your time and let things flow naturally. You’ve gotten this far, and trust me, if they are interested, they are already interested. Don’t go too slow though, there have been cases where going to slow can and will cost you your partner as some other sly fox will move in on your turf! It’s all a delicate dance of balance, just the right touch of soft and strong, finding just the right balance; that’s the trick. That of course varies greatly depending on each individual scenario.
Good luck to you, and should you have any questions or wish to discuss this topic, hit me in the comment’s section, I’ll be sure to respond!
Growing Up Bronx
Please note the date on a post as it may be an old viewpoint. I keep old posts to show my evolution. The opinions and views expressed here are solely those of the author.