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Beyonce Is Trying To Make Us Fat And Have Diabetes

Ladies and gentlemen, I have not, and will not of my own free will listen to Beyonce’s new album Lemonade. Think about it, the weather’s getting nice, and all of a sudden she releases an album about this cooling, delicious, sweet summer drink? No sir, I’m not falling for it!

What was the first thing I told you guys about weight loss? Lose the sugary drinks, and here comes Beyonce with her psychological, neurologically manipulating song, to secretly make you crave that awesome lemony deliciousness!

Rumors abound throughout the webosphere about this being her way of serving Jay Z with a divorce, addressing his cheating, and so on. But you know what? I ain’t buying it son! Here is what I think, I think Beyonce has stock in lemons, as well as a diabetic and weight control pharmaceutical company! For that matter, I bet Jay Z does too, and they are trying to play us for fools! Oh, and I also think it’s all a ploy for attention, but, uhm, yeah.

NO SIR! Looks to me like y’all done got enough of the kool-aid you’ve been getting fed, and now you are ready for that lemonade! No sir, not me! When life gives you lemons, don’t make lemonade, unless it is unsweetened, or comes in the form of poetry, in which case Lemons are cool! (I wonder how many will get that last one?)

On another note, I’m sure glad that they are putting Harriet Tubman, and not this woman on our currency!

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