From Chaos to Clarity: My Journey Out Of An Unhealthy Relationship

I once dated a woman who was very mean to me, but worse, later in our relationship, she assaulted me and became violent. She even tried to stab me with a knife because I wanted to visit my son.

The relationship didn’t start well. On one of our first dates, I left her at a restaurant because I thought she was being difficult and rude. Another time, very early on, she snapped at me because I brought condoms and made them visible to her. She got upset, saying I was acting as though sex was guaranteed. I see her point on that one; it was in poor taste and never happened again. My intention was to ensure that we used protection if we were going to be intimate, and I was saying, “I have this here for our safety.” But I get how that came off wrong.

The way I left that relationship was as abrupt as it started. There were so many signs that we were not good for each other. For instance, she said that since I spent so much time at her place, I should start chipping in with rent. I countered with, “Oh yeah, if I’m going to chip in with rent, then I’m moving in permanently.” She replied, “Okay, fine, so move in then and chip in with the rent.” Clearly, that’s not a healthy way to make the life-altering decision of moving in with someone.

It wasn’t all bad; there were some nice memories made, a lot of traveling, and other great times with friends. I particularly loved a trip we took to California; that was one of the most fun times of my life. I really loved visiting San Francisco.

But, as I said, things ended abruptly. After she assaulted me, I knew it was time to go. She was attacking me, but if things got really bad, who do you think the cops are going to believe? A petite, pretty woman, or a Puerto Rican man? She was either going to kill me or get me locked up, both of which are highly undesirable.

So, I waited for her to go to work, took off, and quietly went to look at apartments. I checked out quite a few until I found the one I instantly fell in love with. I spent quite a few years living there on my own, and I loved the place.

While she was at work, I signed a lease, and by the time she got home, I was gone. She was furious, called me a coward, and eventually wanted to meet and talk in person. She came out to the Queens area where I had moved, and we spoke for a while on the phone. Then she went back home. I don’t recall if we met in person, and I don’t think she came over.

At some point, I went over to pick up the remainder of my items, as I had only taken the essentials. What I found was everything I had, plus many gifts I had given her over the years, destroyed. She said, “I was angry, and this is what happened.” I discarded everything, and that was that. I did enjoy sex with her, though even that eventually became stressful, but all the same, before leaving, I tried to get a farewell goodbye session in. She stated, “You had your chance.” I nodded, left, and that was the end of that volatile relationship.