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Military Stories: The urine test

After basic training and Tech school was over I was assigned to an Air Force Reserve unit. One of the things we had to occasionally do was taking part in a monitored urine test.

The airman charged with overseeing my test was in for a long one. I told him, “Dude, I can’t pee with people watching me. I have a very shy bladder.” He stated that he absolutely had to watch me. I told him suit yourself man, but don’t get mad cause we gonna be here awhile.

25 minutes later, I hear our master sergeant screaming at us. She was asking what the hell was taking so long. I shrugged and said “shy bladder, mam.”

We tried running water but it just wasn’t happening. He tried pressuring and threatening me. Nothing happened. He tried whistling, nothing happened. Eventually, he tried something clever. He went to the other stall, and rather than standing next to me, he climbed up and started watching me from above the stall. I looked down, closed my eyes, and eventually I felt alone enough where the pee began to flow. The airman screamed FINALLY!

I looked up at him and told him, I told you man, I have a shy bladder, I wasn’t playing around. It’s not a fear of pulling out my penis, it’s just a fear of peeing around others. To illustrate, I took out my penis and started whipping it around. I’m not afraid to do that, but for some reason it won’t pee with people around. This made my life very difficult in boot camp and at any place that doesn’t have a private toilet.

In any case, I finally produced a supervised urine sample and we went back to work. Everyone was laughing and teasing me. I just said, “shy bladder til death!”

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