She slept on my couch.

Years ago, we were partying together. Both of us got pretty drunk and decided to go back to my place. Full disclosure, though we were just friends at the time, I think we both knew that I really, really, really wanted this woman to be my partner. She was beautiful, sweet, smart and possessed such a pure spirit. I was utterly smitten with her. 

So we get back to my place and I make us some food. We ate, then chatted a bit, but the alcohol was getting the best of both us. Much to my chagrin, we were both starting to nod off. I was really hoping to get to talk more with her.

After a few more minutes of chatting she says, “Angel, I’d like to sleep now, I have to be somewhere early afternoon.” I said of course and I offered her my bed, I said that I’d sleep on the futon. She refused and said she would not put me out of my bed and would stay on the futon. I asked her once more if she was sure, she said no, I’m not taking your bed Angel.

I agreed and said that I had to ask her one question before I entered into a deep, alcohol fueled slumber. I asked her if she knew how I felt about her, she said yes. I then followed up with, is the feeling mutual? “I like you a lot Angel, I’m just not ready to go any further right now, okay?” I replied “Of course, friends first, always.”

So as I mentioned, I was pretty smashed and ready to crash.  So I told her I was going to bed. If she changed her mind and wanted the bed to sleep on, or if she wanted to talk more, to come get me, but that I would not be pressing her. I stated that this was not my style, but please not to interpret that as a lack of interest. If you feel ready to explore it further, tonight, tomorrow, next week, or any time, I’m always here for you. 

I went to sleep. 

At some point in the early afternoon she woke me up, I jumped up because I was startled and disoriented. She smiled her tender smile and said “I cleaned our dishes from last night, thank you for being you. I have to go.” I got up, gave her a hug, then walked her to my door. I said I’d take her to the train station or get her a cab, she smiled and said no, that it’s okay and she walked out. I stood there, sad to see her go, but smiling cause of the time we had shared. She then turned around and said, “You are something else Angel, never change!” I nodded and we parted ways.

Eventually, we both started dating other people, but we always remained close friends. At some point she started seeing some possessive, jealous trash who made her sever all her ties not only with male, but female friends too. I’ve not had any contact with her for many, many years. It hurts my heart very deeply not knowing of her anymore. She was one of the sweetest people I’ve ever known. She made her choice, or allowed it to be made for her. I hope she is well, and like I said all those years ago, when she’s ready to be friends again, if she still remembers me as I do her, I’ll always be here.