I live with a number of disabilities that affect how I function day to day. Some are injuries, others are mechanical limitations that have built up over time. For the most part I carry them quietly and most people would never know anything was wrong.
But Brazilian Jiu Jitsu has a way of making what I usually hide impossible to ignore. Techniques that come naturally to most people require me to find alternative approaches and workarounds just to keep up. It is frustrating. There are moments where the embarrassment is real and the urge to walk away feels overwhelming.
Those feelings, combined with the physical toll, have recently pushed me to step back from training. The injuries have gotten to a point where I need to respect what my body is telling me, even when my mind wants to push through.
What I carry with me from my time on the mat is the people who were part of it. Coaches who believed in what I was capable of when I wasn’t sure myself, and training partners who worked with me patiently through a very long white belt journey. That support meant more than I ever expressed in the moment.
To everyone who trained with me — thank you. I do not take any of it for granted.
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