I want to be clear about something before I say this. I do not think I am suicidal. I never really wanted to die. But I would be lying if I said there was not something in my mind that occasionally whispers that death is an escape from pain.
When I get really hurt, whether emotionally or physically, there is a flash. Just a split second where that thought shows up uninvited. I always push it away. I have never acted on it and never intend to. But I cannot pretend it does not happen, and for a long time I could not explain why.
I do not know if it is something wired into my brain or something darker attached to my spirit. What I do know is that ignoring it completely does not feel honest. So I am naming it instead.
If you have ever experienced something similar, you are not alone. Talking to someone, whether a therapist, a doctor, or even a trusted friend, is worth it. Not because something is broken in you, but because you deserve to understand yourself fully.
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