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I may not wake up tomorrow

As far as I know, we only have one life to live. There are some out there who believe in another realm, an afterlife. That’s all good, but as far as I have seen with my own eyes, we have this life. I do not know what comes next, if anything.

That being said, I have a terrible fear of mortality. I have asked many people throughout my life, if they had the opportunity, would they opt for immortality? The majority of them say no, that they would not want to live forever. Almost to a person, the reason is because they would see everyone they love die.

My answer has always been yes. If you have a long life, you will probably see everyone you love die anyway. So why not live forever? Of course, I’d attach some stipulations to it. LOL. Read The Mummy, or Lestat by Anne Rice to get an idea of what I’d want along with my immortality.

This fear of mortality has led me to generally live life to the fullest. I have some friends who are millionaires, because they live extremely frugally and spend their lives planning for the future. My viewpoint has generally been more along the lines of “I may not wake up tomorrow, so I’m going to live today.” I don’t deny myself much, and as you can probably imagine, unlike those friends, I am not a millionaire.

This is the same reason that I don’t have much tolerance for drama and b.s in my life. If I have only this limited life on Earth, why would I choose to spend it with people that trouble me? No way, you choose friends, so choose ones that you like!

This mindset has caused me trouble in the past, particularly when it came to relationships. So here I am today, a married man, and at times feeling unfulfilled. Having moments where I feel that as a unit, we are not enjoying and living our lives to the best of our abilities. This is a problem for me, because, you know, I may not wake up tomorrow.

As a grown ass man, I would be expected to conduct myself as such. Right? Lessons are learned in life, and we grow to realize that the best thing to do, is the right thing. As such, I have brought up the topic on several occasions, and I have expressed myself in hopes of improving things between us. If you don’t speak up and air your concerns, then you can’t blame anyone if things don’t change. I love my wife completely, and I don’t see myself with another woman. She has all that I could ever need, and I truly hope that things get better between us, cause, you know, I may not wake up tomorrow.

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