Throughout my mental health journey, I’ve tried many different medications and combinations searching for what works best for me. One of those medications was Abilify. I took it for about two to three days, and within the first day it turned me into the worst version of myself.
The anger was immediate and overwhelming. Everything around me felt like a threat. Any comment, any passing remark — even from my wife — I would internalize and twist into something negative. The jealousy, the possessiveness, the envy — demons I had worked hard to remove from my life came flooding back all at once. I didn’t scream at anyone or become physically aggressive, but the way I felt inside was alarming. The rage was at a level I hadn’t experienced in a long time, and I knew if I stayed on that medication something bad was likely to happen. I stopped taking it.
What stayed with me after that experience was a thought I couldn’t shake. Some people may feel that way by default — not because of a medication, but because of the way their brain chemistry works on its own. Abilify affects dopamine, and whatever it did to mine gave me a window into what life might feel like for someone whose brain produces those chemicals naturally without any intervention.
That experience made me more empathetic. If someone is walking around every day feeling the rage I felt during those two days, and they haven’t gotten help or found the right medication to address it, it’s hard to imagine how they manage. It doesn’t excuse harmful behavior, but it does offer some context for understanding where it might come from.
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