I believe that sometimes, whether we want to or not, we need to take a step back in order to move forward. That has been the story of my long and winding white belt BJJ journey.
A few years ago, I started over at a new school with a very structured program. At first, it felt unfair when it came to my rank. But then I asked myself, why was I even focused on rank when I knew I was learning new things and staying healthy?
My body was slowly healing, even though I knew it would never be the same. Still, I was growing stronger and preparing for whatever came next. That was what really mattered, wasn’t it?
Starting over was better than not starting at all, which was exactly where I had been just a few weeks before. Some progress was always better than none. So why dwell on what could have been when I should have been focusing on what was? I needed to value the progress I was making instead of fixating on what I thought it should have been. Even if it was slow, even if it felt like a reset, it was still forward movement.
I knew what it really was. It was my ego, trying to make me long for what I hadn’t truly earned yet. It whispered about pride and glory, tempting me to take risks I didn’t need to take. It wanted to derail the steady path I was on. But I didn’t give in this time. I stayed the course.
I saw my ego. I acknowledged it as part of me, and I understood it had a role to play. But it wasn’t in control. Not anymore. I told it to stay in its lane and let me move forward, even if that movement was slow and steady. It took the wheel at times, but for the most part, I kept it in check and stayed healthy.
Even though I’ve now had to stop again because of another injury, I know I’m better at jiu-jitsu than I was the first two times around. Maybe someday I’ll continue the journey once again. But for now, my focus is on healing and recovery. If BJJ is no longer a part of my life, then I’ll accept that and keep moving forward. At the end of the day, what other choice do I really have?
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