Sometimes people ask me why I stand up for myself so quickly. Well, it wasn’t always that way, but things do change.
When I was a young man, I was what some would call a “doormat.” The world needed a place to put its feet, and it chose me. Be it at school, on the commute to school, at the front of the building, or simply walking over to visit a friend in a different block. When the world needed it’s doormat, I was there. Please note, this was not a choice I made, it was an involuntary assignment.
There were times when I questioned this doormat position, and other times I even tried to resist. Those were usually met with violence in the form of a group beating, a knife to the neck, and under some extreme circumstances, the butt of a pistol to the face. The enforcers were not having any doormat rebellions then.
That’s where I come from. I had no voice, few friends, and little to no support against these abuses. Then something magical happened, I grew up. I started to develop a voice and an inner toughness. These days, I am no longer that doormat. However, the experiences are never too far behind.
This is a major reason why I don’t tolerate people putting me down, or trying to ride me. When I was younger, I was weak. Now that I am a man, I can’t have that. Though I am not large in stature, and certainly not the most muscular man you will meet, I am far from that doormat of past.
My biggest bully and critic today is me. This current abuser is omnipresent, inside my head, and cannot be escaped. It has taken me decades to tame this abuser and get him to a point where we can coexist in harmony. A place where he serves the purpose of motivating and pushing me, while still accepting the imperfections that come with being human.
That being said, do you think that I am going to allow you, or anyone else to bully me? Do you think I will tolerate you berating me, and getting on my back about things that I am already dealing with? After having survived those streets, and being the doormat that I was? After dealing with my own internal demons who have been trying to devour me since childhood? Do you really think that I am going to allow you or anyone else to weaker me, and empower those demons I fought so long to tame? Do you think that you will be the one to throw off that extremely delicate state of internal balance that I have seemingly achieved?
If you are somehow under that impression, take a pause. If my soft demeanor and easy going ways have somehow been perceived as weakness, once again, take a pause. If the fact that I have not let loose on you at the first sign of your provocations has somehow led you to believe that it is okay to push me, take. a. pause.
I do not like trouble, I certainly go out of my way to avoid it.
However, if you try to get over on me, or abuse me in any way, then I will destroy the very fabric of your existence. I will rip out and swallow your soul along with the essence of you, digest it, pass it along with the rest of the manure that comes out of my backside and flush it down the toilet to flow down into the sewers filled with stench and other waste never to be seen again. Please don’t try me, I’m a peaceful guy, and I’d like to stay that way.
Just a life long New Yorker sharing the journey through my lens. Please take note of a post’s date. The views I express here are subject to change and evolving as I grow and learn.