{"id":6748,"date":"2013-09-28T00:47:30","date_gmt":"2013-09-28T04:47:30","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/nyctalking.com\/?p=6748"},"modified":"2013-09-28T00:47:30","modified_gmt":"2013-09-28T04:47:30","slug":"moms-corner","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/nyctalking.com\/moms-corner\/","title":{"rendered":"Mom’s Corner: It\u2019s Okay to Ask for Help!"},"content":{"rendered":"

Have you ever heard of the term \u2018Shark music\u2019? Last year, I attended a mother\u2019s group<\/a> for my second daughter to help manage her anxiety issues, and I was introduced to this metaphor. In the famous \u2018Jaws\u2019 films, there\u2019s always that same eerie music that plays as the shark swims nearby. It basically foreshadows that something bad is about to occur. At least, that\u2019s what the music is meant to make you think. So what happens when your \u2018shark music\u2019 is set off when you\u2019re confronted with an uncomfortable situation? Well, that\u2019s something I pondered as I did my grocery shopping last week.<\/p>\n

Feeling vulnerable<\/strong><\/p>\n

Every Monday, when both my eldest children are at school, I do the weekly grocery shop. That\u2019s when I have a chance to have some quality time with my youngest daughter, who\u2019s just two years old. On this very Monday, we\u2019d finished up with all the shopping and as I pushed the trolley to the car, Amelia began to have a bit of a meltdown. She started to become fussy; shaking about, arms flaring. I knew what was wrong \u2013 she wanted the tasty pikelets that were sitting in the trolley.<\/p>\n

Although her screams were getting increasingly louder, I stayed firm and said to her, \u201dMummy knows that you want the pikelets, but we\u2019re having lunch soon, Mellie\u201d.<\/p>\n

I continued to position the trolley against the car, calming Amelia down at the same time.<\/p>\n

As I buckled her into the car seat, out of the corner of my eye I could see a woman peering at me. She was sitting in her white car, which was parked right behind mine. She continued to stare profusely at me. I\u2019d seen that stare many times before, I knew what it meant from strangers. I thought, \u201dOh great, she probably thinks I\u2019m a bad mother.\u201d<\/p>\n

The woman proceeded to get out of her car and I\u2019d guessed right \u2013 she had been watching what was going on.<\/p>\n

As I went to grab the first bag out of the trolley, I noticed the woman standing right next to me.<\/p>\n

She asked, \u201dDo you need help?\u201d<\/p>\n

I responded, \u201dNo no, I\u2019m okay. I do this every week.\u201d<\/p>\n

She seemed unconvinced.<\/p>\n

Feeling uncomfortable, I then added, \u201cI actually have three children, the other two are at school.\u201d<\/p>\n

She responded, \u201cOh wow! Oh okay then.\u201d She then started to walk away.<\/p>\n

I paused for a second. I thought about that concept of \u2018shark music\u2019. I then asked myself, \u201cWhat was it that lead to me responding so defensively?\u201d<\/p>\n

Within a short five seconds, I already had my answer. It was my childhood.<\/p>\n

My earlier experiences<\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

When I was younger, I dealt with a lot of emotional abuse. I was insulted to my face, criticised behind my back, abused for not doing things the \u2018right\u2019 way. I was called stupid if I asked the \u2018wrong\u2019 question, or if I failed to know what to do. If I lost my wallet, it was my fault for not paying attention to where I put it. If I asked for help, I would be ridiculed and made to feel indebted to the person.<\/p>\n

\"Its_Okay_to_Ask_for_Help\"<\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Photo Credit: David Castillo \/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net<\/a><\/strong><\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

Due to these experiences<\/a>, I really struggled with my self-esteem. I really struggled with believing that I could be a strong, independent person. I was made to feel that no-one would ever love me the way that I was \u2013 that I had to change. That I was always the problem. That asking for help meant that I was incapable and useless.<\/p>\n

My shark music<\/strong><\/p>\n

So when that woman walked up to me, warning bells sounded and my \u2018shark music\u2019 was activated. I became fearful of appearing weak and vulnerable. I had thought to myself, \u201cShe thinks that you\u2019re struggling, that\u2019s why she asked to help you. She thinks you can\u2019t manage.\u201d<\/p>\n

But in that five seconds when I stopped to pause, I realised something:<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat if she doesn\u2019t think you\u2019re struggling? What if she just wants to help because she\u2019s a nice person? What\u2019s so wrong with appearing weak anyway? You know that you\u2019re a strong person, so what\u2019s the problem?\u201d<\/p>\n

Being able to recognise my \u2018shark music\u2019 made me realise that I didn\u2019t want to end this interaction on a bad note. I wanted the lovely woman to know that her kind gesture meant something to me. Because it did.<\/p>\n

So, as she proceeded to walk away, I smiled and shouted enthusiastically, \u201cBut thank you very much for offering!\u201d<\/p>\n

The woman turned around and smiled. She said, \u201cYou\u2019re welcome!\u201d<\/p>\n

Her response, as well as my own personal growth, had me beaming both on the inside and outside.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s okay to ask for help<\/strong><\/p>\n

So often, we want to show everyone how strong we are \u2013 how we\u2019re coping so well with life, how we\u2019re managing so well with everything. But we forget that there\u2019s absolutely nothing wrong with asking for help.<\/p>\n

There\u2019s nothing wrong with asking another mother to pick up your child when you can\u2019t. There\u2019s nothing wrong with asking a work colleague for a lift home. There\u2019s nothing wrong with telling your friend that you\u2019re going through a rough time and are in desperate need of advice. There\u2019s nothing wrong with telling others that your life just sucks at the moment and you just need a hug.<\/p>\n

There\u2019s nothing wrong with admitting that you want a bit of help.<\/p>\n

Whether your problems can be solved with a practical solution, or are far too great to be, please know that you\u2019re not weak. You\u2019re not fragile. You\u2019re not stupid or useless because you need someone else\u2019s help. Asking for help does not devalue your worth. It doesn\u2019t mean that you\u2019re incapable.<\/p>\n

You don\u2019t<\/a> need to go through life believing you have to do everything yourself. There are people out there that want to help you.<\/p>\n

We are all in this together.<\/p>\n

(This post originally appeared on Inside a mother’s mind<\/a> and is printed in collaboration with the author Thuy Yau.)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Have you ever heard of the term \u2018Shark music\u2019? Last year, I attended a mother\u2019s group for my second daughter to help manage her anxiety […]<\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":6750,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1,47],"tags":[],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/nyctalking.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/09\/Its_Okay_to_Ask_for_Help-199x300-1-1.jpg?fit=199%2C300&ssl=1","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/nyctalking.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6748"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/nyctalking.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/nyctalking.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nyctalking.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nyctalking.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=6748"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/nyctalking.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6748\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nyctalking.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/6750"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/nyctalking.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=6748"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nyctalking.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=6748"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nyctalking.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=6748"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}