You have small feet

Recently, someone said “Wow Angel, you have small feet. I never noticed you had such small feet.” So I made a joke about it and played along. Then I quietly made a statement about it directly to the person who said it.

Keep in mind, that in our social culture, whether true or untrue, there is a direct correlation between hands, feet and your penis size. So though it wasn’t explicitly stated, the underlying implication is there. Well, at least that is my gut reaction to a statement like that.

So it didn’t offend me or make me angry, but in a way, I did feel attacked. Granted, that may or may not have been the intention, I’m not entirely sure, but at the moment, though remaining playful, I did find that I became a bit defensive. Clearly this was my ego trying to protect itself from being embarrassed and ashamed.

One of my greatest flaws as a person, probably due to my upbringing and all the abuse I endured is that I am quick to stand up for myself when I think someone is trying to bully me. Bullying being a relative term of course. I know this person wasn’t “bullying me” in the traditional sense, but the statement caused me to become defensive all the same.

I’ve been trying to educate myself on the best ways to handle those types of moments. As I understand it, you can joke about it, take a poke back, (one that doesn’t exceed the level of poke you received) or just ignore it, change the subject and let it go.

I’m afraid that I didn’t do my best on that one. I did make a joke and laughed it off, but the statement I made on the side was unnecessary and I think it went beyond the necessary level of escalation. I regretted it immediately after saying it. But I caught myself doing it, I’m aware of it, I’m learning from it and I’m trying to improve.

Everyday is a chance to grow and do better. You can’t always control what people do or say to you, but you can control how you respond to it. Ultimately, my goal in life is to not be affected by it, or a least minimize the affect that outside influences have on my psyche.

By the way, we were and remain friends. There is no resentment, no grudge and this is not a big deal. The only reason I have highlighted it is because it’s part of my personal journey to growth. I’ve been sharing about how I’m trying to kill off my ego and its hypersensitive nature, this was just another step on that journey.