I believe that jealousy is a waste of energy, emotion, and all around foolish. I can never understand a man or a woman who attempts to lock down their partner. In an attempt to keep them loyal, they attempt to control their every move. If your relationship is like prison, a place where you must keep absolute watch, control and dominion over the inmate, then I think you have a serious problem going on.
I have a friend who’s boyfriend is a piece of crap. He made her shut down all of her social media, delete all of her friends from her phone, and pretty much has her locked up. This was surprising to me because she seemed to be relatively street smart, and not one to be easily taken advantage of. Yet, this guy seems to have the formula and managed to make her cut off all of her friends.
I think it is disgusting. I have no respect for a man like that. I think he is a coward, a loser, and frankly a big piece of crap. As far as the woman, well, she’s made her choice and until she is good and ready to leave that motherfreaker, then there is nothing that you, I, or anyone else can do. The decision must come from her, and no one can say otherwise.
Growing up I was raised by a very possessive and jealous father. My mom eventually kicked him out, but not before I watched years and years of psychotic possessive and jealous behavior. I still remember my dad becoming angry at my mom because she wore her purse over her neck, and it apparently emphasized her breasts. He’d get angry because he thought she was trying to get attention. Ahh, the good old days.
Due to my upbringing, I have the propensity to be extremely jealous. As a teenager I behaved similarly to my dad with my middle sister. I was a very overprotective and jealous brother. If a guy spoke to her, I was ready to fight! My youngest sister has no idea how lucky she is, it was pretty crazy in our household when my middle sister and I were teenagers.
I was pretty bad during my first marriage too, but not as bad as I was as a teenager. I had already started to evolve. However, I do remember almost coming to blows with one of my buddies because he was in my home while I wasn’t there. One of the things my dad used to say was “Never let a man in your house, EVER! Especially when you are not there.” This echoed in my head when I found my friend sitting in the living room waiting for me to arrive from work.
Well, after years of reconditioning and growing, I changed and have overcome those jealous tendencies. I learned to recognize that it is a waste of emotion, I can now control it as opposed to letting it control me. But at times, it does manage to creep up and start working me over. I have my moments where I feel slighted and want to react the same way I did back then. Those moments are few these days, and very short lived.
At the end of the day, I keep it from overtaking me by recognizing the fact that humans will do whatever the hell they want to do! Attempting to control or stop them from leaving you, cheating on you, or doing whatever they want is futile.
If they want to go, you are better off letting them go. Why the hell would you want to keep someone if the only reason they are faithful is because you have handcuffs on them? Life is too short for that, and if a person wants to go and freak someone else, then let them go knock themselves out and move on.
I’m not saying be a pussy like that freaking guy who is at home taking care of his kids while his wife is out freaking Paulo or whatever. That male feminist who wrote that biznatch ass article. freak that guy, don’t be him. I’m just saying, if he or she wants out, then let them be out.
These days, I see things, I notice stuff, but I don’t say or do anything the way I used to. I just brush it off and simply say “Whatever will be, will be.” I’m married so things are a bit different now, and I certainly do speak my mind if something is really bothering me, but I recognize that often it is nothing.
At the end of the day though, I trust my wife. But if she wanted to leave me, as much as I love her, I would not chain her to me. Life is too short to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with you.
Growing Up Bronx
Please note the date on a post as it may be an old viewpoint. I keep old posts to show my evolution. The opinions and views expressed here are solely those of the author.