Some men and women are very possessive and jealous. This is a topic that I have covered extensively over the years. My philosophy on this is quite simple. At the end of the day, if your significant other wants to cheat on you, or be with someone else, there is no way that you can stop that. No legal way. I suppose you could cage them, but then you’d go to prison, so yeah, no legal way.
My wife has male friends, she has quiet a few that predate me. Where do I, or anyone else get off in telling her that she cannot keep those friendships which had existed for years before I ever came into the picture? It’s quite simple, if my wife wanted to be with those guys, she had years and years to do so. If they are not together, and she chose me, then I think it’s safe to say that I have nothing to worry about. But, for good measure, I’ll repeat, if she wanted to be with them, she’d find a way, and I wouldn’t waste my time trying to prevent the inevitable. You cannot cage a cheating, or fleeting heart.
When it comes to new friends that she may meet, I’m not as passive or trusting. I always tell her that most likely there is an ulterior motive. Some new dudes have tried to establish contact with her a few times. Mostly through her side business, under the guise of doing work together. I have expressed my view on this, “He probably wants to hook up with you.” My wife is a bit naive about bad intentions, but on several occasions now I’ve been right. She’s blocked a few guys who were trying to push up on her while knowing that she’s married. “Let’s meet up for dinner, you are very beautiful, and I’d like to get to know you better.” Uhm, and that is relevant to the business venture how? Step off son!
Recently, someone asked how I would feel if one of my male friends were to befriend and try to hang out with her. Well, none of them has ever tried to hang with my wife alone like that. As far as I know anyway, and if they did, I’d promptly step in and chin check that. None of my “boys” have any business hanging out with my wife who they met through me. I’m super cool in regards to her having male friends, but my momma ain’t raise no fool. There are limits to this.
Mind you, she’s not the one I’d be talking to if it was one of my homeboys trying to hang out with her. First of all, I don’t think she’d do it, she’d recognize that this is kind of weird, and would most likely just tell me. The person I’d be talking to is my “friend.” That seems like a very daring thing to me, and I find it rather disrespectful.
My wife says, “Honey, I’m going out to eat with Ken.” Ken happens to be a long time friend, okay, that’s cool. [bctt tweet=”He was there before me, and if she wanted to be with him, she would have been with him.” username=”angelrtalk”] It’s all good. Now if some new dude tries to make contact, I have already expressed my views, but ultimately its on her to make the “right” decision. I mean, she doesn’t have to tell me, and she can do what she wants. Like I said, if they want out, or to play, they will find a way, so if that’s the case, save your energy and just move on. Now, when it comes to my friends, if one of them was trying to hang out with my wife, that would feel like a violation. What business does one of your boys have bypassing you, and trying to chill with your lady? That’s mad suspect to me, and we’d have some words.
At the end of the day, fidelity is on her. You can’t stop that, and I wouldn’t want to. However, I think that there is a limit to how “passive” one can be. I hardly ever hang out with any of my boys. So if we don’t make time to hang with each other, I’m not simply gonna be all good with them showing up, meeting, or otherwise picking up my wife to chill. That’s suspect, and like I said, there are levels to this thing.
I’m not saying cage them, or fight them over it. But, if she asks your thoughts on it, well, I’d not be cool on that. If she didn’t want me to know, she simply can just keep her mouth shut. Which brings me back to the point, you can’t keep someone faithful by always watching them, why would you even want to?
Growing Up Bronx
Please note the date on a post as it may be an old viewpoint. I keep old posts to show my evolution. The opinions and views expressed here are solely those of the author.