The Vacuum Of Loss.

I’m sitting at my desk, reading over some articles and then I said the following:

Hello, Angel, Soy yo, tu papa, Jose…

This was generally how my father would introduce himself when he called or left a message. I said it, trying to sound like him. Then it hit me, he’s gone.

I feel myself getting sucked into a vacuum, the tears begin to flow, my breathing gets fast, and I panic. My son is sleeping, and my wife is on a business trip. Not that either of them could do anything. The only thing that happens when they show up during a time like this is that I resort to having to be strong, and I tell them I’m fine, and suppress the feelings.

Is this what it’s like? It’s not as bad as it used to be, I can gather my composure and get it together. However, the emptiness that I feel remains. There is no way to explain the feeling one has, when you know that they are gone forever. It’s a suffocating, terrifying feeling. I save all of my dad’s last voice mails to me, and I have a few videos, so I can see, and hear him. But he’s gone.

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**DISCLAIMER**
Please take note of the date on a post as it may be an old, outdated viewpoint. I keep those old posts to show my evolution and progress as a human being. We all make mistakes and say dumb stuff. Hiding it doesn't help anyone and real growth matters. Own your flaws so that others may learn from them. Finally, the opinions and views expressed here are solely those of the respective authors.
Angel Rodriguez

Angel Rodriguez

Angel covers fitness, social issues, reviews, news & more! He's a veteran, tech and fitness pro which has been featured on Huffpo, NatGeo, NPR, NY1, HLN, Men's Fitness, MTV, & other major platforms. Angel is also Brazilian Jiujitsu White belt.
Angel Rodriguez

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