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Yesterday I did a step class, after this I jumped on the elliptical for an extra hour of cardio. I felt tired and bored, and I didn’t want to stay on the machine. At this time I had to communicate with my soul, I had to express my desires to my body and mind, all the while pushing.
As I pedaled, and I listened to my melodic trance song, I kept repeating to myself, “Find your way, Angel. Find yourself. Be that guy again.” I kept saying this among many other things, “See it, see it, be there again.” As I visualized myself walking on a beach, or dancing in a club with my shirt off, I began to laugh.
The laughter wasn’t fake, it literally began to happen. I wondered, “Is this madness? Have I entirely lost it on this elliptical machine today?” But I continued riding the feeling, I continued to talk to myself, pushing myself, trying to get that second wind, then I sobbed and tears began to flow down my cheeks.
I’ve had other intense emotions and feelings during training, but I’ve never been moved to tears before. Have you ever had such intense training that you cry? That’s intensity man! I don’t think that it was so much physical, but an emotional response. After years of being overweight, and being ashamed of what I’d become, I can once again see the old me.
In fact, the day before yesterday, two individuals who have long been a part of my life said to me “Oh my God, it’s Old Angel.” I didn’t think anything of it at the time, I felt grateful to them, but nothing else. Yet, yesterday as I saw it in my mind’s eye, and I realized that it is really within grasp, I was overcome with emotion.
The journey has been long, and it has not been easy. There are many nights that I go to sleep slightly hungry, and many delicious meals that I walk away from. There are days that I am training through pain and injuries. There are days like yesterday where I have to dig deeper than usual to find my way. And of course, there is the inevitable wait. We have no choice but to give time to time. But if you are consistent, and don’t quit, then you can achieve it.
I started training at 270 pounds. Today I am about to break under 200 pounds! I am at the weight that I used to carry when I was in my “off season” during the “old me” days. That puts me at about 20 pounds away from my target weight! One day at a time, doing whatever it takes! One day at a time! You can do it too!
Growing Up Bronx