I’ve been trying to understand how someone can come to a place, such as a school, and randomly begin to shoot at children. What is the mindset of a mass shooter? The only time that I can think of where I may have been able to relate is when I was back in high school and bullied to no end. Actually, I don’t like to use the word bully, where I come from you don’t get bullied, you get beaten to a bloody pulp. You get slapped, kicked, stomped, robbed, cut, shot at, pistol whipped and violated in every way possible. I think that goes far beyond someone taking your lunch money or calling you fat and ugly.
All that being said, there was a period that I began to carry weapons to school. My weapons of choice were a meat cleaver, a large kitchen knife, and some small sticks with nails embedded on the end. Back then, I didn’t think about guns, or mass shooting. This is what I find confusing about this behavior from mass shooters. When I took those weapons to school, I had very specific targets that I wanted to hurt. I wasn’t going to school with the thought of killing or hurting anyone, except my tormentors. I’d head over and say to myself, “If they hit me today, I’m going to kill them.”
I’m not an extremely religious person, but I think a higher power must have been looking out for me, because on those days where I thought that I just about had enough, the bullies left me alone, or didn’t show up at all. Then I’d kind of calm down and reset again, then the cycle would repeat again, and when I was fed up, they’d leave me alone again. It was a bizarre thing.
All that being said though, I still can’t comprehend how a person can take their rage out on innocent people. These shooters must be completely fucked up in the head if they are okay with killing innocent kids that have nothing to do with their plight. What other explanation can there be, other than mental illness? Either that, or these are just some really, really evil fucking people.
We all go through shit, and I bet you that the violence I experienced was far worse than anything this damn shooter experienced. Yet, I never saw fit to go and kill a bunch of innocent kids. I guess that’s what separates mentally ill, or evil people, from folks like you and me, eh? This senseless tragedy is disgusting, and it needs to be stopped. The question is how? How do we stop this?
Just a life long New Yorker sharing the journey through my lens. Please take note of a post’s date. The views I express here are subject to change and evolving as I grow and learn.
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