Sometimes we try things sexually that don’t work out. I’ve always told anyone who asks me about sex that, as a couple, you have to learn each other’s sexual language. What works with one partner may not work with another; what one person enjoys, another might not. You have to communicate and figure it out together.
This reminds me of my early twenties and the first time I tried anal sex with a woman I was in a long-term relationship with. I don’t remember all the details, but I recall we were having vaginal sex, and then we decided to try anal. I didn’t know anything about preparation or lube—I just tried using the moisture we had. Unsurprisingly, I wasn’t able to penetrate, and it didn’t work out.
We went back to regular sex after that. What sticks with me is a conversation we had afterward. We were trying to figure out how to make it easier, and I asked her how she felt about the whole experience. She told me it excited her and that she wanted to try again. Although we never managed to successfully have anal sex—she would get nervous and pull away whenever I tried—we always respected each other’s feelings and moved on without pressure. Despite not succeeding, I’ve never forgotten how she looked at me when she told me how much it excited her.
Just a life long New Yorker sharing the journey through my lens. Please take note of a post’s date. The views I express here are subject to change and evolving as I grow and learn.
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