I’m sure that most of you have heard the story of Rachel Canning. She is the teen who was suing her parents! How can we avoid ever being in that same situation? To help us with this question, I have recruited Freddy Baez, an LCSW-R (Social Worker) and former CASAC who works at Full Circle Health in NYC. Mr. Baez is an adjunct professor, a Reverend, and a mentor for an organization that helps rehabilitate young offenders.
On a more personal note, this is a man who supported me during a difficult period when I struggled deeply. During my teen years, I was involved in some challenging situations, felt confused, and battled depression. I credit this man with playing a key role in my recovery. He is deeply religious and believes that life’s path is guided by higher powers. He feels it was meant for us to meet. I am truly grateful to still have him in my life, and I will always value his advice.
Following are three simple, basic tips from Freddy Baez that can make the difference between a child who respects and loves you, and one who could end up in conflict with you.
Talk to your kids!
Mr. Baez put it simply, “What you give your time to, has your heart!” In today’s world of nannies, day care, and long work hours, it’s easy to overlook the fundamentals. He stresses that there is no substitute for face-to-face time. You can’t take shortcuts with your kids! You need to plan deliberate time to really get to know your child. He also emphasized that every child is different; what works for one might not for another. Make the effort to connect personally. His final thought was, “You reap what you sow!”
Encourage their passion!
My son loves to draw. It’s not just my responsibility, but my pleasure, to support his art. When he shows me a finished drawing, I see his passion come alive! When kids are engaged with their passions, it helps keep them away from negative behaviors. This is especially important in higher-risk communities. Mr. Baez believes it’s better to invest time, effort, and resources while kids are young rather than facing challenges later on through court or counseling. Save for college, but invest in your children’s interests early.
Teach by example!
There’s truth in the saying, “Do as I say, not as I do” but actions really do speak louder than words. If you want an honest child, be an honest person. Children learn by watching us. Mr. Baez asks a simple question: “Can you honestly say you are a person of integrity?” He believes that a lack of integrity damages relationships quickly.
He shared an example: once his son called his little sister a hurtful name. Mr. Baez pulled his son aside and asked, “Have you ever heard me speak disrespectfully to your mother or sister?” His son said no, so Mr. Baez asked why he thought it was okay to speak that way to his sister when his father would never do that. Realizing his mistake, his son bowed his head in shame. Teaching by example means simply being the example.
Following these basic but often overlooked tips can help make parenting more rewarding and might even help you avoid court! Do you have any tips for us? Please share them in the comment section!
FYI, that’s not my child in the picture. That’s my little sister. However, I helped raise her, and she never sued us, nor has my son. LOL.
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