When They Challenge Your Lived Experience: Standing Up to False Accusations and Doubts

Few things frustrate me more than when someone tells me that something I actually lived through isn’t true.

During basic training, I was assigned as a “road guard.” I was specifically told they chose me because they wanted me to lose some weight. The Military Training Instructor (MTI) told me directly that I was overweight and needed to drop weight. Those words were said to me clearly and plainly. They also limited what I was allowed to eat. Yet, a friend of mine claims I’m lying about this. He says, “I went through Air Force Basic too, and that’s not true.”

He got upset when I appeared on TV and mentioned I was an Air Force Medical Administrator. The hosts asked if that was like a medic, and when I tried to explain the difference, they didn’t seem to get it, so I agreed it was similar. Because of that, the show called me an Air Force medic, which wasn’t actually my job. Afterward, this same friend started accusing me of lying about everything I say. Whenever I share boot camp stories like the one above, he shows up insisting I’m not telling the truth.

When I was a kid, I was jumped multiple times. On one occasion, several members of that group said something like “Get that white boy and beat his ass.” As they hit me, they made comments referring to my race. Some friends, however, say that this didn’t happen, suggesting I must have provoked them.

I remember once being in the jacuzzi at Bally’s Total Fitness on 42nd Street and Madison. A woman approached me, looked me over, and asked, “You are just so beautiful, can I please touch your body?” Of course, I said, “Uhm, yes.” Later, another friend said this was a complete fabrication. “That’s bullshit, it never happened to you,” they said. Well, honestly, I remember it well, and it really did happen.

Why do some people feel the need to call you a liar about experiences you actually lived? Sure, I can’t remember every detail of my past, but some moments—both good and bad—are crystal clear.

When a woman in a jacuzzi asks to touch your body, you’re going to remember that! This isn’t a misunderstanding or a misinterpretation—it’s a fact from my life. So why do some folks try to tell me it didn’t happen?