You folks might laugh at this, but I teach Zumba. I’m actually quite good at it and I’m a gym favorite pretty much anywhere I’ve gone to teach. Well, almost everywhere — some locations weren’t as welcoming as others. You can’t win them all.
I do this because I was never a good dancer and I’m terrified of large groups. I’m shy to the point where I want to run away sometimes. In fact, there have been times in class where I actually become hyperaware of what I’m doing and during those moments, I want to get off the stage and walk away. You’d never know it by just being around me — you’d think I was confident and totally under control. I’m not, but I always stay there and see it through to the end. I make myself get uncomfortable.
I guess this is called exposure therapy, which I’ve self-prescribed to become a better, stronger person. I decided to teach and get decent at something I’m not very good at. I used that stage to force myself to face and overcome the fear of being in front of 80 women dancing in silly and even energetic ways. To my surprise, I’ve managed to win their hearts and minds and have become one of their favorites, despite being terrified.
Due to COVID, it had been months since I taught. During that time I gained a lot of weight, and I felt terribly anxious about going back and pretty much starting over on my fitness journey. How could I go on stage and lead when I lost my own way? This made me very scared and uncomfortable, but when the time came, I once again answered the call and delivered the goods.
By the way, my Zumba exposure therapy came later. I once competed in an underground MMA match and got thoroughly beaten. Talk about brutal exposure therapy! But that’s a whole other story. Basically, some people are just not meant to fight — they are not natural competitors in that arena. I didn’t want to hurt my opponents, but they had no problem hurting me. I realized fairly quickly that I’m not meant to compete in that sport. I simply don’t have the drive to try and hurt someone for competition’s sake.
I still love training BJJ and MMA, but dancing is way safer and gives me far fewer headaches. Performing poetry and music was another great outlet for me and helped me get comfortable with getting uncomfortable. Whatever it is, find your own way to cope — even Zumba — and just do it.
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