Years ago, I was in love with her. I adored her face, her eyes, her hair, her body, her skin tone, her breath, the taste between her legs, the taste of her mouth, the smell of her hair, everything about her, I adored. I believed that I was utterly in love with her, and I was fascinated by her entire being. She was a beautiful woman, and I longed for every moment that I shared with her.
When I made love to her, I’d make love for hours and hours and hours. I remember one time we made love all night long, I kid you not, I just made love to her and would not stop. By the end, we’d both be covered in sweat, sore, exhausted, but utterly satisfied.
That’s how it is when you are in love.
Then she decimated my heart. She was going to spend a long weekend with me, but instead ended up going away with her family and “ex” boyfriend to Florida. After that she pretty much dumped me and this led me to one of the darkest most pathetic periods of my life. I won’t even go into how pathetic and desperate I was to try and get this woman back. I was a very, very sorry excuse for a man during that time. Thinking back to it makes me sick.
So what happened after the heartbreak?
Anyway, fast forward some years, and we are hanging out again. We went out to party and kicked it with her sister and my cousin. Afterwords we came back to my place, went to my room, closed the door, and got down to business. Thing is, this time, I didn’t go down on her, I didn’t take in her scent, I used a condom even though I knew she was on birth control, and I didn’t want to get spiritually close to her, I just wanted to fuck her as a way to close the evening. And that’s exactly what I did. We fucked, and I didn’t go for hours, I didn’t savor her, I just went an average time and then I came.
Afterwords, she looked at me and said, “Angel, that was different, it’s not how you used to be. What changed?” I looked at her dead in the eyes and I told her, “I’m not in love with you anymore, you hurt me and you no longer have my heart.” She was surprised that I was so blunt as we lay in bed, naked, next to each other. I asked her, “Does this surprise you?” to which she replied “I guess not, I did hurt you pretty badly, didn’t I? I’m sorry, Angel.” I smiled and whispered “that’s in the past.” I quietly held her in my arms. I kissed her on the top of the head and I said you are still so beautiful. We went for another round after that. Since then, I have little recollection of us really spending any time together. I know I helped her move once and we partied with our partners some years later, but this was the end of our romantic or sexual involvement.
That’s what happened after the heartbreak.
Growing Up Bronx
Please note the date on a post as it may be an old viewpoint. I keep old posts to show my evolution. The opinions and views expressed here are solely those of the author.