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When I was growing up Bronx, it wasn’t an uncommon thing for kids to drop out of high school. Most of us were fools, had terrible grades and didn’t really think about our futures.
That wasn’t me. I was an A+ student from the beginning of my school career until the very end. When I walked into the counselor’s office and told him that I intended to drop out, the person was shocked. How is it that a student with an A+ average is trying to drop out?
The reason why I dropped out of high school was because I was constantly tormented by my peers. I was bullied, robbed, beaten, ridiculed, and abused every single day. Some days were less terrible than others. By that I mean that on those days I’d only receive verbal abuse rather than physical abuse.
Speaking with the Vice Principal, Deans, or anyone else was pointless. To them these were just kids messing around and didn’t warrant any action. The only times that they stepped in was when there were weapons involved or blood was drawn and someone got hurt badly. They were either afraid or didn’t care to do anything to help us. I understand the teacher’s plight too. I know a few of them who were badly injured by baseball bats and other dangerous scenarios due to terrible students.
Also, there was that matter of being a snitch. None of us wanted to be labeled a snitch. A murderer, sure, but a snitch, that’s a no no in the ghetto streets. If you are gonna get locked up, its better to be a murderer than a snitch. I know, it’s a really stupid mindset.
I had reached the point where I was emotionally prepared to kill all of my tormentors and myself. I couldn’t take it anymore and I was going to make it stop. Unlike the mass shooters of today, I wouldn’t have killed just anyone. At the time I knew exactly who I wanted to punish. I had a mental list of my targets and genuine reasons why I wanted to hurt them.
By the way, if this scares you, it should. Y’all don’t understand how difficult it was going to school in that type of environment. We were supposed to be learning, instead we were living the civilian equivalent to a prison yard. People talk about the school to prison pipeline, I can’t help but believe it. I was an A+ student, and well on my way there.
So as I planned the death of my tormenters, I began to carry a butcher knife to school as well as chains and very large kitchen knives. I measured how deep it would penetrate, and the knife would have penetrated the stomach and go deep enough to come out of their back. These were big fucking knives and I was going to jack these guys up real bad.
Someone was looking out for me, and those days the bullies did not show up or bother me. Then somewhere down the line, I realized that I had the option of dropping out to escape this prison like environment. I don’t recall how I coaxed my mom on board, and I recall that my youth counselor was not happy with me. But hey, I didn’t become a mass murderer, so I’d say that in my specific case, dropping out was a good thing.
For those who don’t know me personally, I came out of it okay. After leaving school, I joined The Girls Club for a job prep program, and after that I entered college on the 24 credit program. As I mentioned before, I was a straight A student, so I recovered from dropping out and graduated Summa Cum Laude. I made honors every semester at school. It all worked out for the best in my case. But kids, it seldom works out this way, so as long as you ain’t gonna snap, stay in school. Know that some of us will listen and help, all you have to do is ask!