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Believe it or not, I’m a very emotional dude. I may come off as loud, crass or even an asshole at times. But really, I’m not. Its just how I survive in this cruel world of ours.
Anyway, at times a memory will creep up and take over my mind. This could be triggered by a scent, a sound, the weather or whatever the hell thoughts pop into my head at that point in time. When that happens, sometimes the memories are really powerful and they can stimulate a deep pain or otherwise set forth the water works.
This actually happened to me a few months ago while I was in the middle of teaching a Zumba class. If you ask what set me off, I cannot tell you. I cannot tell you because I cannot remember. What I do remember is that I was midway thru class, I looked at someone, it triggered something and then the tears began to flow.
You are probably wondering why no one ever spoke about it, or made fun of me, or whatever. Well, that’s because I didn’t skip a beat. I continued to teach and didn’t even pause for a moment. No one in the class knew that I was going through some sort of emotional disturbance even while the tears continued to flow.
I tend to sweat a lot, so when I’m teaching there is always a lot of water running down my face. I wasn’t sobbing or otherwise exhibiting any externals signs of crying. I simply had tears flowing down my face and mixing up with my sweat.
Training is cathartic for me, I’ve cried in yoga, strength training, pilates and even while doing cardio. Hell, one time I was training so intensely that I came on myself. Like, I literally trained so hard that I ejaculated! I’m not afraid or ashamed to admit it. This is a part of who I am, and deep emotion is a part of what I am.
I’ve always been this way, and those close to me know this. Men are not supposed to show these things because its considered a weakness to show emotion, or cry, or say a puppy is cute. But it’s who I have always been and it is who I will always be. Take it or leave it, this is me.